My new venture...

For some reason it pains me to not be busy. If I have a free night or a day with nothing to do, I start plotting a new hobby or new obsession. I can confidently say Hobby Lobby probably owes much of its success due to myself! I bring the kids with me when I go, because if I go by myself I get lost in the amazing aisles and aisles of crafting ecstasy and projects that could be (plus then I have to try to explain to Brandon why I NEEDED to buy a set of crochet needles and yarn, because I can totally make hundreds of dollars selling crocheted baby items. I guess after 2 years I should probably pull that set out and get on it)!

For the past 5 years I have been doing custom invitations and announcements out of our house. Which was great! Until I was pregnant with the twins..... then it became a burden. I struggled to maintain the energy required to work every night once the kids were in bed. I dreamed of a night off where I could watch TV and lay on the couch. And while in the hospital after they were born I stressed over orders not finished and the work I had ahead of me. So basically it burned me out. But luckily the orders died down a short while after and of course having 2 nights with nothing to do got me thinking. Typically every year or 2 years I do a bridal show to jump start my orders, but I wasn't so sure I wanted a ton of new orders. So I started creating some things that were a little more fun than assembling invitation after invitation. Tutu's and kid's accessories/photo props!! I love it! It gives me the creative outlet I need to function. Even if I don't make a dime off of it, just creating satisfies me in a way nothing else really can. I am hoping to make an Etsy page and website off it, but for now, here is my Facebook page - check it out!!:

http://www.facebook.com/LittleFooteDesigns

This is something I want to instill in the kids. I think it is important that no matter what you end up doing for a living (because we ALL know it typically isn't the subject you are passionate about that works out to pay the bills), you need to find what fulfills you and makes you happy and always do that. Brandon is the same way. He has a part time job scuba-diving - that is his passion. It keeps him happy no matter how his "real" job is going. It gives him something else to be interested in. And it keeps us both connected and happy because we are able to find things that we love to do and do them. Hobbies are important!

I am still doing invitation orders that I receive, and now that I am not bearing babies I have the energy to keep up. PLUS, with the kids both in preschool next year, I will have 2 1/2 hours 2 days a week to devote solely to my addiction!! I just will have to resist the urge to step into the craft stores during those hours. It's probably not an acceptable excuse to tell the kids teachers that I was late picking them up because I was too busy browsing the scrapbooking section :)

Pushing our kids...

So as of this past weekend, Leo can ride his bike without training wheels! Big milestone! He is three months shy of turning 5. It only took a few days of Brandon working with him, but as I saw him pushing and encouraging him to do it, it got me to thinking. Leo was scared at first - very intimidated. He gets nervous. A lot. He doesn't like new situations and he definitely doesn't like walking into a room where the attention is on him. I have seen many times over Leo work through anxiety. He shoves his tongue to the side of his mouth and takes deep breaths. He gets a very serious look in his eyes, but he eventually calms himself down. And then after about a 5 or 10 minute period of time, he is able to relax. It makes me feel so sad to see him get so anxious. I want to protect him from those situations, but then again I don't want to raise him to be shy. I want so badly for him to be the kid that can walk into any situation and feel at home. I wasn't like that growing up and it made trying new things so hard.

But as for the bike riding, Brandon pushed. And bribed. And literally within an hour, Leo was up and riding. He could do it just fine! Now all he wants to do is run outside and ride his bike. But he just needed that extra push to get him to try it.

So when is the pushing too much? Brandon is Leo's idol. He can get him to do pretty much anything just by being interested in it. Leo can snorkel by himself in the ocean (without floaties!), he does flips on the trampoline and is in an advanced gymnastics class. He races around on his little go-kart. If I were the only parent Leo would not be doing any of these things. Maybe because I hate making him try things he isn't comfortable with or maybe because I just worry too much he will get hurt. I realize though that I underestimate Leo's abilities. He needs the push. But I question when will the pushing go too far. Will Leo be telling his therapist someday how hard of parents we were and forced him to do things he didn't want to?? Or will he say he wished we had forced him more to do new things? At what point when he says he doesn't want to do something should we stop and say okay?

It can be so frustrating to see your child not try something new because they are scared. Especially something you know they will love if they just give it a go. But it's a fine line between forcing your kid to do something and helping them overcome their fears. And each kid is so different and responds differently. Carmela could care less. She's the one who walks into a group of strangers and says hello. Leo makes her go first when he gets nervous to go somewhere. She's often his crutch! Who would have thought that would happen? But Carmela also doesn't care to challenge herself. At all. I guess she takes after me :) This became clear when one day Brandon was trying to show her how to hold a hockey stick. After about 15 seconds of fumbling the stick around in her little hands, she actually said "this is too hard!", threw down the stick, and moved on to playing with her dolls. We are banking on her creativity and intelligence to carry her through life :)

Adventures in Potty-Training...

I really do believe that potty training is what put the "Terrible" in "Terrible Twos". Ugh. My little Carmela - so sweet and so innocent and cute. Until of course I look over and she is sitting in a wet puddle happily playing away. Let's rewind about 8 months or so to my carefree life when all I had to do was bring a diaper or two and some wipes and we could be off to do whatever we had to do for the day. Ahh, the memories. Then one day, she pulled her diaper off and said in a squeaky voice "Potty!". YES! This was it.. the SIGN. She was ready to be potty trained and my little genius was telling me! I was thrilled. Leo had been pretty easy to train. He pooped like 5 times a day, and he loved it! He would line up his little cars along the toilet seat and talk to himself and play while he did his duty. It took a little while for the peeing (including frequent stops along the highway where he just couldn't hold it until the next stop) but he was pretty well trained quickly. Everyone kept telling me how girls were SO much easier to train than boys, so I thought, well great! Carmela will pretty much just train herself then. Haha - I now laugh at my then naive self. But she was giving the sign, so I said OK! I went out that day and bought the essential supplies. Kitchen timer so I could set it to 30 minute increments as a reminder to go, check. Sealed container of M&Ms as a treat each time she went, check. Cute girly little potty throne that played music every time she tinkled, double check!! Okay, let's do this! I needed to go to the store later in the week and thought, hmm, well I'll give it a few days and by then she'll hopefully be ready to go out and about in her new Dora underwear. My optimism was seriously adorable.

Okay, now fast forward 8 months and let's see where we are at. A pile of pee-soaked underwear and pants in the laundry room, Carmela running around naked because all pairs of said underwear are soaked, and me about to pull my hair out. And that adorable seat? Turned out to be the most ridiculous purchase I've made. That thing got cleaned and thrown in the basement about 2 months in. Turns out that as soon as she peed in it and heard the little jingle, she would jump up in excitement thus peeing all over herself and the bathroom floor. And not only that, whenever she actually would go to the bathroom in it, she was so proud she wouldn't let me help to dump it in the toilet. An excited 2 year old's uncoordinated hands flinging around a plastic bowl full of poop - how did I possibly think that was a helpful purchase?! Also, those diapers and wipes I could just stash in my little purse and be on our way? Now I have a much larger purse chock-full of underwear, wipes, and as many pairs of pants and socks that I can fit in there "just in case". Grrrr. So here are the bribes, er I mean things we have tried: M&Ms as treats when she went (worked for approx. 1 week and then the novelty wore off), a sticker chart (worked for approx. 2 weeks until she decided she didn't like stickers anymore), gobs of gratuitous praise every single time she went (worked, but didn't give her reason enough to do it). So, I pulled out the big guns. I spent $20 and bought a large package of Squinkie toys - tiny little rubber figures that come in individually packed plastic balls. They went into a container and every time she told me she had to go to the bathroom and actually did, she got to pick one out. This actually did really work - better than anything else - but I ended it after having these little figurines invading every space of our home and car. But the bribery from them got us pretty far along in the process.

At this point now, a few months away from 3, we are **almost** there. She will go days without an accident, but then all of sudden have several in a row, so I am not quite sure what that is about. I assume at some point I can stop harassing her every 15 minutes asking her if she has to go, is she sure, is she really really sure? It eventually has to work, right? At this age Leo was well trained. It actually still blows my mind that he knows when he has to go and does his business on his own. Like a little man, so independent! I imagine for Carmela that I might just have to buy like 3 dresses for her High School Prom, just in case she pees through the first 2. And maybe her date will respond to her accidents the same way I do " Carmelllaaaaaaa... AGAIN??!! SERIOUSLY???".

Becoming a mom...

So there it is. Me in all of my 12-hours-of-drug-free-labor-and-then-a-c-section glory! The day - the moment - the whirlwind of a transformation that turned me from Kristen (me myself and I), into Mom, mommy and mama. And that little person there responsible for said transformation? Well, he is turning 5 this year! And close behind is my daughter who will be turning 3. Where has the time gone? Way back when while I was waddling around and painting a perfectly blue nursery I would have never in a million years been able to foresee the change about to occur in my life. I clearly remember sitting in the middle of his room folding his teeny tiny clothes trying with all of my might to imagine what it would be like to have an itty-bitty baby there sitting beside me. It was impossible! I also remember driving home from the hospital with him sleeping in the backseat in his carrier thinking "What in the world have we gotten ourselves into??". Quick glances followed by nervous smiles were exchanged. I suddenly seemed to have let basic biology slip from my already sleep-deprived brain as I wondered how on Earth this baby came to be and why was he in our backseat? Certainly WE couldn't have produced this sleeping/crying/pooping machine!!

There is such an incredible change that takes place once you have that little bundle in your arms. The others (i.e. friends who have not yet gone on this journey - also referred to as the "free ones") have NO clue what you are going through. They couldn't possibly. Late night phone calls reminded me of this on a weekly basis. "Hey, why don't you come out and meet us for dinner tonight?" "Oh yeah, there is a party this weekend - Saturday night!!" "Yeah, that would be SO awesome to get to stay home all day and play with a baby!!". Yes, indeed, they do not understand. What they can't possibly know is that as a new mom your brain goes into survival mode and you no longer notice the social happenings around you. Instead, you begin to focus your energy (what little of it remains) on the important things in life. Like trying to remember if you washed your hair or not in the shower (that is assuming you were able to fit in a shower during the day). Or picking up the phone and attempting to get through a conversation without the uncontrollable screaming that inevitably breaks out as soon as you dial. Or, my favorite, savoring the rare moments where you can get several hours of uninterrupted sleep - in a row! (on a side-note, if you think that the sleepless nights of caring for a newborn are going to be the same as the sleepless nights during college when you could stay up all night partying and still make it to a 7:45 am lecture feeling good-to-go - you will be sadly mistaken. This I learned quite quickly!). Also, as a new mom it is very easy to feel alone. All of a sudden your normal group of friends start slipping off the radar and you are left with a baby who can't talk and an episode of Sesame Street to keep you company. I do not believe I am alone when I say the transformation at first can be a bit depressing, if only due to the lack of contact with other adults. I was talking to a friend recently who just had her first baby and is on maternity leave. She said she sounded awful for saying it, but she was not enjoying being home all day. All she could do was watch the seconds tick away on the clock waiting for her husband to get home. I get it for sure! I remember those days quite clearly. When Leo was an infant I would take him to the grocery store literally almost every day just to have something to do to pass our time! And I still have days like that where I watch the clock in anticipation for Brandon to walk through the door. I still sometimes feel alone and feel like I have nobody who could understand what I am going through. But, as I tried to explain to my friend, those moments are fleeting and before you know it you will have more of a little companion and less of a crying helpless baby by your side. And you will miss the sleepless nights because with those middle-of-the-night feedings come seriously precious cuddling time that goes by oh so fast.

It can be easy to sometimes wish to be given, if only for a day, time from B.B. ("Before Baby") where all you had to worry about was yourself. It seems a distant memory the times when I could come home from work and do nothing... or do something... it didn't matter what I did! Run off to the store with nothing but a wallet in my hand. Take an impromptu vacation. Eat cereal for dinner because I just didn't feel like cooking. I sometimes catch myself having slight twinges of jealousy as I see some of my friends jet-set around the world on amazingly romantic vacations or go out late at night for drinks not having to worry about what time the kids will be up the next morning. But the fact is that no matter how difficult it is in the beginning to adjust, there are so many crazy amazing mom-moments that the "free ones" don't get to partake in just yet. For every decorative piece of art or vase I've had to commit to the basement for the sake of child-proofing, I get priceless handprints and finger-painted masterpieces. For every hour of sleep I've missed out on, I get days at the park or the pool that I never want to end because I get to witness the pure and utter joy of kids just being kids. And for every intimate moment I am missing with Brandon because of these little additions, I get smothered with hugs and kisses daily from the most loving and innocent people I can imagine. The trade-offs cannot even nearly compare to the life I was living before my babies came into my life. Hearing a little person say "I love you Mommy" - it has the power to literally melt your heart into a puddle of tears. Trade all of that to be "free"?? Not a chance in the world!

Call me a sinner...

**Note: please don't read if you are easily offended on the topic of religion! Not trying to offend.. just writing my point-of-view! :) **

So now that the kids are getting to "that age" where a decision has to be made, Brandon and me had the big talk about what religion we were going to raise our family. This topic has been semi-wearing on me since they were born. Brandon and me both went to Catholic school growing up. We were born, raised, and married Catholic. So when Leo and Carm were born, naturally we had them baptized in the church. I wasn't sure why we did this. Neither of us go to church. We tried several when we got married, but realized that none of them were a good fit for us. But I guess we just felt that maybe as the kids got older we would end up succumbing to being church-goers and put the kids in CCD. Because....... well, again, I really don't know why! (enter guilt I suppose). This is where I believe I can be categorized as *gasp* a sinner!!!

Because the thing is, church is, well, BORING. There - I said it. B.O.R.I.N.G. I may get struck by lightning for saying it, but I just don't like it! Even as a kid, my favorite part of mass was communion because I knew the end would soon be following. I had so many daydreams during church. I loved watching the other parents trying to shush their kids by pulling out coloring books, dolls, games. I fidgeted, swayed, stared at Christ just hanging there.... just to keep my eyes open. All the while going through the mechanical motions of being a Catholic in church - like programmed robots.

As a small child growing up in Catholic school, on the contrary, was wonderful. We attended a school that was a real community. My parents were really involved, we knew everyone there. It felt good to be a part of it. And yeah - at one point I actually did want to become a nun! I really did enjoy religion class and enjoyed the thought of giving back. But we moved, joined a new church, and it never was the same. And as I have grown I have come to see the hypocrisy of things - the cover-up for some horrific occurrences - the greed - the man-made rules and the reasoning behind them, etc. I know people who still feel guilty eating meat on Fridays during Lent - and they haven't set foot inside a church for years!

During our class to baptize Carmela, one of the parents asked if instead of giving a donation to have their child baptized, could they possibly offer some type of service if they did not have money. The answer was a resounding "No". My response to that: Yuck. Seriously!!? And there are lots of things like this that really bother me. Another is the fact that the church doesn't support surrogacy or IVF. Because somehow that is interfering with God's plan. But apparently cancer treatments, medications, hospital visits, etc., are not interfering with God's plan (which to me is plain hypocrisy right there - you get cancer - you were meant to die - get chemo and you just screwed up God's plan too!). But apparently the church has the right to decide which man-made technologies are accepted by God and which are not. I mean, really? And you know, I am by no means bashing Catholicism. I know a lot of people who get a LOT out of being a part of it. I think the reason for religion is to give you guidance in life to be a good person and live a good life. And no matter what religion it is, if you can get that from it then it is a very very good thing. For me though, it wasn't cutting it.

My main reason for not wanting to send the kids to CCD is that we don't go to church. How can I send them somewhere to learn something and then not follow it myself? Hypocrisy of course! The old "Do as I say, not as I do". No, I won't do that to my kids. So my next thought was no religion at all. Which doesn't seem right to me either - I believe we need something to help us teach them or guide them through life. So my NEXT thought was, okay, instead of going to church on Sundays, we would spend the weekends (or at least a few times throughout the month) doing volunteer activities as a family or participating in non-profit organizations. This, I thought, would give the kids their moral and ethical backgrounds to make good decisions as people and feel good about doing decent things.

This is when we came across Buddhism from a person we work with. Buddhism???!! Weird - we can't possibly be Buddhists. That's just.... weird... right?! But the temple we came across was putting their weekly discussions on podcasts so Brandon downloaded some and made me listen. And they were, to my surprise, interesting! Captivating. To the point that I wanted to listen to them again just to really understand the messages being spoken. We decided to meet with the main Buddhist monk and explain our situation to see if it would indeed make a good fit to our beliefs. And it's just really odd - it is everything I wanted to teach the kids in a package. Everything we were looking for in a religion. And it's really not a religion. It's taught as a way of life. You can be as involved, or as little involved as you like. There is no guilt - no expectation of money (which ironically makes me want to donate more!) - nothing like that. If something they are teaching doesn't make sense to you, you are taught to question it and not follow it. Their goal is to teach you how to be happy and plainly be a good person and live a good life by giving back without expectations in return. It's the only "religion" that has never had blood-shed or persecution attached to spreading the following of it. The only religion where the founder (i.e. Buddha) never claimed to be a god or be any different than any other human being. They don't pretend to know the answers in life, just to give you something to follow. And you can still believe in God, believe in heaven, whatever it is that helps you get by. We also asked about holidays - curious what their take would be on celebrating things like Christmas and Easter. Their response to this is that you can still celebrate throughout the year, just make the holidays about celebrating family and make them times to focus on being together. Which, really, is what we were doing anyhow!

This specific temple also had a kid's program once a month, which was so perfect! The room the kids program was held in though was fairly small and they could only have so many kids at a time in there. I saw kids having to be turned away and thought how sad that was, so I offered to teach a second session a month. This is great for me because it forces me to really research and learn the Buddhist beliefs and principles. And I LOVE getting the chance to work with kids. They are so cute and innocent and I think the teachings of the Buddha are wonderful for their little growing minds. We do a little yoga, a meditation with a story, and a craft at each class.

Me and my Buddha Kids showing off their handmade lanterns

I can't know for sure I am raising good kids. I think as parents we strive to do the best we can, and then we sit back with our fingers crossed. There's no right way to parent that will end with a successful adult. Will they grow up and make good choices? Will they follow the path of a giving and loving person? I can only give them the pieces - when they are older it will be their job to put the puzzle together. For now I am just hoping that Buddhism might act as the glue :)

Product RAVE: Zoku Popsicle Maker...

When looking for Christmas presents this past year, I wanted to find a "group" gift for my niece and nephews that they would all love, wouldn't take up too much space, and something they didn't already have. I found the PERFECT gift! It was so perfect, I actually bought one for my own kids too :) Something I wouldn't want to live without: the Zoku popsicle maker from Williams Sonoma. I love it so much, I thought I would create a post about it!

So, in the package you get the unit itself, six popsicle sticks, six drip trays, and a small orange knob-looking thing that loosens the popsicles once they freeze to remove them from the unit.
The best thing about this product is that you can instantly make really healthy popsicles cheaply that the kids think are super special treats (i.e. when they beg for ice-cream, I say "Let's make popsicles instead" and they always think it's a great idea!). You keep the unit in the freezer for at least 24 hours, and when you are ready to make the popsicles you take it out, fill it up and wait usually about 9-10 minutes and Presto! You have three delicious popsicles! You can make up to 3 batches in a row, so 9 total, without having to refreeze the unit. When you are done making the popsicles you don't even have to wash it - just put some freezer wrap over the top and stick it back in the freezer for next time!
Here's the process outlined:

My lovely Carmela modeling some of our favorite juices to use! My favorite place to go is in the produce section at the grocery store near the fruits. They usually have a whole rack of natural drinks and when they are on sale they aren't too expensive at all. Plus you can get a ton of popsicles out of one bottle of juice - each one only takes maybe a quarter cup of juice.
Any "Naked" drink will work, or smoothie drink - and here we also used some Mott's Medleys fruit/vegetable mix apple juice. You can use any liquid as long as it has some sugar (natural or added) in it which prevents it from sticking to the unit, and as long as it isn't carbonated (you can let carbonated drinks such as root beer go totally flat and then use them if you want).

Here is the unit shown in our freezer. It takes barely any space at all, as you can see I have it shoved next to some frozen broccoli :) It's good to keep some freezer wrap on top just to avoid getting ice crystals on the inside too.

And sir Leo holding it to give some child-size perspective on size. Just don't let them touch (or lick) the top of it right after you take it out of the freezer. Think a Christmas Story with the flagpole - not funny when it's your kid and it's his tongue frozen to the top. Now, being the super safety-conscious mom that I am, this has never EVER happened to MY kids, so of course I actually wouldn't really know. I am just assuming it wouldn't be a good thing for you moms who don't watch what your kids are doing- lol :)

Here are a few of the sticks, drip trays, and remover tool.


So you just pop the sticks in, carefully pour in the juice, and wait about 10 minutes. The really fun part of this 10 minutes is the game you can play that we like to call "If you touch that one more time before it's ready, you don't get a popsicle!!!!!". My kids like to stick their fingers in just to "check" if it's ready. This is frustrating. If you must, place the unit on top of the refrigerator until it is ready. Or outside. Or lock it in the bathroom. Again, I have never had to do this with my children because they ALWAYS listen to me, but I just wanted to throw some tips out there for the rest of you.

Screw the knob-thingy on the popsicle stick, turn it a couple times, turn it back and take it off. You can see the popsicle separate from the inside when you do this. Then just snap on the drip trays and pull out the popsicle, and enjoy the next several minutes of quiet as your kids lick away their frozen creations. (as a side-note, please disregard Carmela's Dora underwear and lack of pants in this picture... I'm saving my "Adventures in Potty-Training" for another post another time!)


Here is another one I made just to show some variation. Part of the fun of it is you can make all kinds of different popsicles. This one I layered with all three juices. You can also add really thin slices of fruits (although this is slightly difficult to fit them in the compartment that the stick goes in). But we have successfully made ones with banana, strawberry, and kiwi slices. Plus they look all professional when they come out!
Liquids we have used for popsicles:
Apple Juice
Orange Juice
Pudding (just use it when it is soupy before it thickens up)
Carrot Juice
Kool-Aid
White Grape Juice
Strawberry-Banana smoothie drinks
Green-Machine (a combo of green fruits and veggies)
and my absolute favorite: Starbucks bottled Mocha Frappuccino - mmmmm
I suppose you could do spiked ones too using juice jacked up with vodka, but I suggest waiting till the kiddies are sleeping for that treat :)

Drinks that have NOT worked:
Plain black coffee (it didn't work because there was no sugar in it)
Root Beer (we didn't let it flatten out enough - any carbonation won't work)
NOTE:
When the popsicle doesn't work, you have to let the whole thing completely defrost and dry out, then you can stick it back in the freezer.

Cost:
$49.95 plus tax, available at the Williams Sonoma website (plus they have lots of fun accessories to go with it if you want - although I haven't tried any of them yet).
However, keep in mind that the unit basically lasts forever and you will never have to buy popsicles again!! So worth it in my mind - would make a fantastic Easter basket gift too!

I know I'm not much of a salesperson, but I jut wanted to spread the word on something I think is great!

My 4 favorite words....

Most married women will agree that the four most memorable words their husbands have ever uttered were "Will you marry me?". I, until the other day, would have agreed.

My mom decided that as a birthday gift to me, she wanted to take me and my sister-in-law on a trip somewhere to get away - girls only. So we decided to take off to Phoenix! My sister's band Little Hurricane was playing a show there, we know quite a few people who live there, and really anywhere were it isn't snowing is paradise in my eyes. So, this is the FIRST trip I have taken away from both the kids and Brandon. Visions of jumping on a plane with nothing but my carry-on, quietly reading magazines and books and waking up to birds chirping instead of kids smothering me wavered through my mind, reminding me of a life not that long ago where these were all normal occurrences. And it was everything I had imagined it to be! Very relaxing - having conversations and meals with no interruptions, laying by the pool, etc etc. But of course in the back of my mind all I could think of was my little ones. Every little kid I saw splashing in the pool or tugging on their mom's shirt reminded me of the joy that children bring to a vacation. But I enjoyed myself and soaked in every moment of peace, knowing that it would soon end.

I wasn't sure how Brandon would feel when I returned home. I was prepared for the whole "Oh, it was SO much fun...the kids were SOOO good....I wish I could stay home all the time because of how easy it is!!" which of course would have sent me into a fit of rage. Because it usually figures when he is the one at home, the kids are little angels and he can never understand my frustrations as a mom. BUT ALAS.... the four beautiful words to come out of my dear husband's mouth were:

"I get it now"

He GETS it!!!! I swear at this moment the gates of heaven came flying open and angels were singing Hallelujah. I feel like there is a cross-jealousy between us sometimes. He wishes he could stay home and play with the kids all day and not have work-related stress. I envy him being able to wake up and just get himself ready, to not have to worry about bathing, dressing, feeding more than one person at a time. Getting to up and leave the house without having keen herding skills. And not have to play the role of 24-7 motivational speaker - "OKAY, you can do it, put your clothes on - yay yay - let's eat up breakfast - WAHOO!! Good for you - you peed on the toilet - I knew you could do it!!!" :) Brandon got a little taste of it - so now when he comes home and the house isn't a picture-perfect scene - when dinner is sometimes a little later than expected - when there is an abstract picture scribbled on the floor and I don't seem to care - now he knows why.

With those words also came validation for my bad mom moments where I am so frustrated I could scream. Heck, if I knew it were that easy to get him to understand where I was coming from, I would have gone on a solo vacation a long time ago :) I realized too that I needed that break. The little things that shouldn't bother me when I am home with the kids were really getting to me. For example, a little excerpt from a recent trip:
"Okay kids you can each pick one toy to bring with you in the car"
"But I want TWOOOOO toys"
"No, one toy"
"TWOOO toyssssss"
"ONE TOY!!"
"TWOOOOOOOO"
"GAHHHHH - ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT ... NOOOO TOYS!!!"
Now, I realize this was not a battle to pick. Had I just let them each pick two toys (not a big deal) I would have avoided nearly having an aneurysm. But built up frustration and stress caused me to way over-react to something silly. But after this short break I am re-energized and ready to take my life back on. I feel like I can better enjoy the kiddies, not get overly upset at stupid things, and I am a better mom for it. They say happy wife = happy life. I say happy mom = happy home. That's what I get now. It was hard to leave my family for those 5 days, but in the end it was so worth what I got out of it, for everyone's sake. And the thing is, I realize that I am really lucky for what I have. Most of my girlfriends work full time. They would love to be able to stay home and spend so much time watching their little ones grow. I happen to get the best of two worlds. I get to stay home a few days a week and I get to work a couple days as well. And truly at the heart of it, I love it. When I think about them being in school full-time in a a few short years, I want to cry. The fun times I get to have with them at this age can only happen once in their lifetimes, and I know I need to enjoy it while I can.

All of you stay-at-home moms - kudos to you, in a most sincere acknowledgment. Most especially those of you who have more than 2 kids. My mom had 4 and the fact that she is alive to tell the story today is something to admire and be in awe of.

So this morning when I got to wake up to kisses and hugs with my two babies rolling all over me, instead of grunting and putting a pillow over my head, I smiled and hugged them, thankful for the little disturbances that they are :)