My 4 favorite words....

Most married women will agree that the four most memorable words their husbands have ever uttered were "Will you marry me?". I, until the other day, would have agreed.

My mom decided that as a birthday gift to me, she wanted to take me and my sister-in-law on a trip somewhere to get away - girls only. So we decided to take off to Phoenix! My sister's band Little Hurricane was playing a show there, we know quite a few people who live there, and really anywhere were it isn't snowing is paradise in my eyes. So, this is the FIRST trip I have taken away from both the kids and Brandon. Visions of jumping on a plane with nothing but my carry-on, quietly reading magazines and books and waking up to birds chirping instead of kids smothering me wavered through my mind, reminding me of a life not that long ago where these were all normal occurrences. And it was everything I had imagined it to be! Very relaxing - having conversations and meals with no interruptions, laying by the pool, etc etc. But of course in the back of my mind all I could think of was my little ones. Every little kid I saw splashing in the pool or tugging on their mom's shirt reminded me of the joy that children bring to a vacation. But I enjoyed myself and soaked in every moment of peace, knowing that it would soon end.

I wasn't sure how Brandon would feel when I returned home. I was prepared for the whole "Oh, it was SO much fun...the kids were SOOO good....I wish I could stay home all the time because of how easy it is!!" which of course would have sent me into a fit of rage. Because it usually figures when he is the one at home, the kids are little angels and he can never understand my frustrations as a mom. BUT ALAS.... the four beautiful words to come out of my dear husband's mouth were:

"I get it now"

He GETS it!!!! I swear at this moment the gates of heaven came flying open and angels were singing Hallelujah. I feel like there is a cross-jealousy between us sometimes. He wishes he could stay home and play with the kids all day and not have work-related stress. I envy him being able to wake up and just get himself ready, to not have to worry about bathing, dressing, feeding more than one person at a time. Getting to up and leave the house without having keen herding skills. And not have to play the role of 24-7 motivational speaker - "OKAY, you can do it, put your clothes on - yay yay - let's eat up breakfast - WAHOO!! Good for you - you peed on the toilet - I knew you could do it!!!" :) Brandon got a little taste of it - so now when he comes home and the house isn't a picture-perfect scene - when dinner is sometimes a little later than expected - when there is an abstract picture scribbled on the floor and I don't seem to care - now he knows why.

With those words also came validation for my bad mom moments where I am so frustrated I could scream. Heck, if I knew it were that easy to get him to understand where I was coming from, I would have gone on a solo vacation a long time ago :) I realized too that I needed that break. The little things that shouldn't bother me when I am home with the kids were really getting to me. For example, a little excerpt from a recent trip:
"Okay kids you can each pick one toy to bring with you in the car"
"But I want TWOOOOO toys"
"No, one toy"
"TWOOO toyssssss"
"ONE TOY!!"
"TWOOOOOOOO"
"GAHHHHH - ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT ... NOOOO TOYS!!!"
Now, I realize this was not a battle to pick. Had I just let them each pick two toys (not a big deal) I would have avoided nearly having an aneurysm. But built up frustration and stress caused me to way over-react to something silly. But after this short break I am re-energized and ready to take my life back on. I feel like I can better enjoy the kiddies, not get overly upset at stupid things, and I am a better mom for it. They say happy wife = happy life. I say happy mom = happy home. That's what I get now. It was hard to leave my family for those 5 days, but in the end it was so worth what I got out of it, for everyone's sake. And the thing is, I realize that I am really lucky for what I have. Most of my girlfriends work full time. They would love to be able to stay home and spend so much time watching their little ones grow. I happen to get the best of two worlds. I get to stay home a few days a week and I get to work a couple days as well. And truly at the heart of it, I love it. When I think about them being in school full-time in a a few short years, I want to cry. The fun times I get to have with them at this age can only happen once in their lifetimes, and I know I need to enjoy it while I can.

All of you stay-at-home moms - kudos to you, in a most sincere acknowledgment. Most especially those of you who have more than 2 kids. My mom had 4 and the fact that she is alive to tell the story today is something to admire and be in awe of.

So this morning when I got to wake up to kisses and hugs with my two babies rolling all over me, instead of grunting and putting a pillow over my head, I smiled and hugged them, thankful for the little disturbances that they are :)

Decade #3 and counting...

So I have somehow stumbled upon the big 3.0. How did this happen?? I have no clue! I swear I've been sucked into some kind of time warp that has hurled me into the future. I read somewhere a quote that said something like "the days may drag on but the years fly by". So very true! I completed a separate blog back in November that journaled my experience as a surrogate. At the end of it all I was able to print out the entire blog into a hardbound book and gave one copy to the parents of the babies I carried and kept one for myself. I realized through that blog that it was an awesome way to keep track of the little details that you swear you could never possibly forget, but inevitably do. Similar to the purpose of a "Baby Book". So in respect to that, I would like to thank the Academy as I accept the Bad Mom of the Year award for NOT keeping up in my kid's baby books. Special thanks to the little people (aka my kids) that so greatly took my attention that I never could find the time to navigate through the piles of stuff in the basement to find Leo's book after we moved, and the mountain of purses and old shoes that covered Carmela's in my closet. Ugh. Yes, I am terrible - and once again, all those little milestones that I swear I couldn't possibly forget as the kids were growing are now far past :(. Seriously my bad.

So in an effort to keep track of these memorable occurrences, and to hopefully be able to give my kids something to look back on to know (maybe when they have their own kids) what life was like with the two of them toddling around, I have vowed to keep this blog and keep it current. And what better time to start then with the beginning of the next 10 years of my life.

So a quick recap of the previous 10 years:
By the age of 20 I had already been with Brandon for over a year, partying (uh, I mean attending) UW Whitewater :) Shortly after turning 21 I left for a year for Australia to finish off my degree in Marine Biology and Chemistry (phew - it's a good thing I traveled all the way to the other side of the earth to achieve this degree!! lol). I was the first student at Whitewater to do this program though, so it was quite the experience! A month after arriving in Australia, Brandon flew over and surprised me and then proposed (insert sappy love ballad). After graduating I returned home and a year later, Brandon and me bought a town house and tied the knot in October 2004. 6 months later we joyfully got pregnant, but then had a miscarriage at 12 weeks :*( 7 months later got pregnant again and 9 months after that welcomed a bouncing beautiful baby boy! A year later we bought and moved into a larger house. Then the month after he turned 1 I got pregnant and 9 months later welcomed a pretty princess. A year after that, got pregnant AGAIN (this time, not mine!) and 17 weeks later ended that pregnancy :*( and then, finally, 6 months after that got pregnant with twins (again not mine) and 6 months later welcomed two little boys into the world. So there's my reproductive history in a nutshell :) 5 pregnancies in 6 years. And here I am, 30 years old, and about to embark on hopefully a just as rewarding and exciting next 10 years of my life.

So at this point Leo is 4 1/2 and Carmela is 2 1/2. Boy are they a joyful wonderful energy-sapping bundle!! We do have a good time. They love to play, love to pretend. They are FUNNY!! They manage to always come up with the goofiest things, so even on a bad day they can always lighten the mood. Leo is in preschool, was there last year, and will be there next year as well, thank-you cutoff date of Sept. 1st for Kindergarten. Carmela will be joining him next year, which means for me I can FINALLY go grocery shopping, wait for it... ALONE!! :) Holy dear Jesus, I never thought I would see the day! I mean, it is totally awesome having to race through the store like a crazy person with a small child in the cart, out of the cart, rolling on the ground. And whoever invented those ridiculous "Firetruck" shopping carts most definitely did not have children!! As if it isn't difficult enough getting through the aisles, add another 5 feet of cart, wheels that don't work, and a child that, while traveling through the produce decides to do a death roll out of the door of the "car" - well, you can see this just turns into a circus of sorts. It's not actually that bad shopping with the kids (minus spontaneous death rolls) . Almost always they are very good. But I think most parents can sympathize with those few horrid trips (enter tunnel vision as you race to the exit as quickly as possible without looking at the people staring, judging you) it's better off just doing it alone. Well that was a side-tracked thought! The point is, the kids are growing really fast - I hardly remember them as babies - it seems like centuries ago.
Which again, is why I am here writing. To remember these fleeting moments.

So I suppose this is a sufficient start to my new "Baby Book"! I look forward to filling it with moments to cherish, look back on, and laugh at as time goes on :)